Dieting . . . What an absolutely ugly word!  It is not quite as ugly as the word “fat” I guess. But, always at the first of the year, dieting is on almost everyone’s mind. You may be like me, I always find that if I go on one diet, it is not quite enough. I have to go on two simultaneously to get enough to eat. And then, I most often find that I am gaining rather than losing. Figure that one out! But thinking about dieting has got me to wondering about diets of all types. What are the craziest diets out there?

One of the craziest has to be the “Chewing Diet”. The “Chewing Diet” was popularized in the Edwardian Era. To properly implement the “Chewing Diet”, one must chew each bite over 32 times. After chewing is done, the person then tilts his or her head back and allows the food to trickle down the throat. Anything that is still too big to swallow must be spit out. Side effects of this diet include: a sore jaw, much longer meal times, and highly disgusted friends and family.

The next diet is the “Tapeworm Diet”. Do I really have to go on? At the turn of the century, tapeworms were sold in a capsule which you swallowed and allowed it to allow you to successfully and quite honestly, eat for two! Side effects of this diet include: Well mainly, having a tapeworm in your stomach!

The next diet is the “Martini Madness” diet, in which you substitute alcohol for food. That is really all the diet is. Just alcohol instead of food! Guess the side effects. You guessed it!  Hangover, alcoholism, loss of job, loss of friends, shopping mistakes . . .

Next, we find the “Sleeping Beauty” diet. This diet requires that you just sedate yourself for several days. The premise being that if you are asleep, you are not eating. Elvis was a fan of this method! (Apparently not quite fan enough!) (Now, that was ugly. I didn’t mean that at all.)  Side effects include: Dying from improper sedation techniques and starvation.

The last one is the “Cotton Ball” diet. It is exactly as it sounds. You swallow cotton balls in order to make yourself feel full. You can eat them dry or soak them in gelatin. The cotton balls are very high in fiber, which is good, except that a “high-fiber-diet” doesn’t really mean actual fabric fiber! Side effects include: boredom, dry and disgusting meals, and the possibility of MAJOR digestive problems!

Well, have you chosen your diet? I mean these choices are wonderful! Me, I think I am going to stick with my tried and true method. I will only eat the food that is in front of me. If it is not in front of me, I refuse to eat it!  So far it is working! I am staying on it faithfully and so far I know where every one of my pounds are! And they appear to be bringing in friends! Yikes!

Author: GinaEllis
Gina is a Terry County native. She has been directly or indirectly involved in farming for most of her life. She has two grown children and two step children and 6 grandchildren who keep her hopping. She enjoys sports, reading and spending time with her family. She is a graduate of Texas Tech and a member of First Baptist Church where she teaches Sunday School. She has a weekly column in small town newspapers around the state. Her column is called "Making a Difference." And making a difference is what she hopes her life does for those with whom she comes in contact.